Massage for Mums of Toddlers: One Hip, One Arm, No Breaks

The postnatal months get a lot of attention. The toddler years that follow get almost none, even though the physical load often goes up. A newborn weighs a few kilos and mostly stays where you put them. A two-year-old weighs something like twelve kilos, wants to be picked up dozens of times a day, arches their back at the exact moment you lift them into a car seat, and prefers to be carried on the same hip every time.

If you are the mother of a toddler and your lower back, one hip and one wrist have started to feel like someone else's, this piece is for you. For the months immediately after birth, the postnatal guide is the better read, since it covers medical clearance and recovery in detail.

What carrying a toddler does to your body

The hip hitch

To carry a child on your hip, you push that hip out to the side and lean your upper body the other way to balance. Do it for a few minutes and nothing happens. Do it for a large part of every day for two or three years, almost always on the same side, and the muscles on one side of the pelvis and lower back work much harder than the other. This piece on hip tightness covers that area in more detail.

The lower back

Lifting from awkward angles is the real strain: reaching into a cot, twisting to buckle a car seat, bending over a bath, scooping a child off the floor without bending your knees because you are also holding a bag. The lower back takes most of that load.

One shoulder, one arm

The carrying arm stays bent and braced for long periods, and the shoulder on that side often creeps up and forward. Many mothers notice the knot between their shoulder blades is always on the same side. This guide to upper back pain explains why.

Wrists and thumbs

Lifting a child under the arms puts a lot of load through the wrist and the base of the thumb. Pain on the thumb side of the wrist is common in parents of young children. If it is persistent or sharp, or makes it hard to grip, see a doctor or physiotherapist rather than waiting for it to pass. For general forearm and wrist tension, this piece covers what helps.

The neck

Looking down at a small person all day, feeding, reading, helping with shoes, adds its own strain at the base of the neck. So does sleeping curled around a child who has wandered into your bed at 3am.

The load is not heavy. It is constant, one-sided and never finished.

Small changes that help between sessions

Massage can ease the tension, but the pattern will return if nothing changes. A few habits make a real difference:

• Switch sides deliberately. It will feel awkward on the other hip. That is the point.
• Use a carrier for longer outings. A structured carrier spreads the weight across both shoulders and the hips.
• Squat to lift. Bend your knees and bring the child close to your body before you stand up.
• Get into the car to buckle. Where you can, kneel on the seat rather than twisting in from the door.
• Put them down more often than you think you can. Walking hand in hand, even slowly, gives your back a break.

If you have back pain that is severe, shooting down a leg, or comes with numbness or weakness, please see a doctor or physiotherapist before booking any massage.

What a session can do

A two-hour session gives enough time to work properly on the areas the toddler years load most: the lower back and hips, the carrying shoulder and upper back, the forearms and hands, and the neck. It opens with a quiet consultation about where you hurt and what pressure you want. Swedish, deep tissue and head, neck and shoulder work are then blended around what your body needs on the day, so you do not have to choose.

Just as important for many mothers is that for two hours you are touched in a way that needs nothing from you. After a day of being climbed on, held onto and pulled at, that can feel like a very different kind of touch.

Fitting it in around a toddler

• Someone else has the child. A partner, grandparent or nanny, in another room or out of the house. Two hours spent listening for crying is not rest.
• Use the long nap, or the evening. A weekend nap slot with a second adult at home, or the hours after bedtime if your toddler sleeps reliably, both work.
• Leave the toys where they are. You need a quiet room with a door, about 2 metres by 2.5 metres of clear floor and a plug point. This short checklist covers the rest.
• If you are pregnant again, tell your doctor you are planning a massage and share their advice at the consultation. It changes how a session should be done.

Questions people ask

Why does my back hurt from carrying my toddler?

Carrying a child on one hip, lifting from awkward angles and twisting to reach car seats and cots load the lower back and one side of the pelvis much more than the other. It is a very common pattern. Severe or shooting pain, or numbness, should be checked by a doctor or physiotherapist.

Can massage help with hip and back pain from carrying a child?

It can ease the muscular tension that builds up from constant one-sided carrying and lifting, and many mothers find they move more comfortably afterwards. It works best alongside changes such as switching sides and lifting from a squat.

What is the pain at the base of my thumb from lifting my child?

Pain on the thumb side of the wrist is common in parents of young children, often from lifting under the arms. If it is persistent, sharp or affecting your grip, see a doctor or physiotherapist rather than relying on massage.

Can I have a massage at home with a toddler in the house?

Yes, as long as another adult is looking after them in another room or outside the home for the whole session. Otherwise you will spend two hours listening for them.